The Long and Short of it.

I was asked today why I was an English Major (or minor in my case). My short answer:

I wrote for my city's newspaper for about three years and the general opinion was that I was pretty good. People tell you that enough and you begin to believe them. I'm a jazz major with a minor in creative writing--I'm obviously doing it for the money. But I just love to write.


As the Dr. Baker (call him Jeff) continued down the row of hopeful soon-to-be-teachers and stary-eyed idealists, I began to wonder what the long answer was. Here's what I've sumized thus far:

First of all the short answer wasn't a lie at all--in fact I honestly started writing for the money. My best friend had begun writing for the Modesto Bee a few months before me and told me about it one day walking home from school. How he actually gets published in the modesto bee, how people have sent him e-mails praising his work. How he gets paid. "Paid!? You get paid!?" I demanded. "Well, yeah only ten or fifteen dollars an article.." "You get paid!?" It wasn't long before I was meeting with the editor. Turns out I had a knack and before you could say freelance-paycheck I was turning out many a popular article.
It's amazing how quickly something can transform from a mild hobby to an almost addiction. I went from wanting to impress everyone around me, to wanting to impress myself. I started working with poetry and discovered that it was one of the most theraputic releases I've ever felt. Yet still the question has not been answer--why?
Writing, especially poetry, is about presenting your thoughts in a manner that not only gets your point across, but connects with the reader as well. Poetry is a portrait of words, taking the one thing a form of expression we are taught all our lives, and paints a picture for the reader. Like everything in life, language has rules that need to be followed. The beauty of poetry is how well you can use those rules (or how shredly you can break them) to your advantage. A poem can sum up the volumes one has to say on a subject in a neatly organized, consise few lines. And the true masters of poetry know how to pack as much meaning into each word as possible. Beyond that all great writers know how to use words to hold your attention until they're absolutely through with it. In history when ever something monumentous happens we turn to the writers--the poets, the authors and the bards--because it is they who seem to have a unique understanding of the situatioin, and it is they who are able to completley communicate true emotion that was being faced.
Why am I an english minor? It's obviously not for the money anymore. I want to create, and I want to remember, and I want to give life to an otherwise completely normal event. I want to find the one thing that makes something special and craft it into a work of art. I believe in the preservation of life, and writing it down is the best way to do it. That's my answer.

The preliminary report

The Results for the jazz auditions were e-mailed out this morning. My name was not on them.

I have no more information regarding the jazz bands at this point, I need to go talk to my professor today. What I do know is the sudden emptiness I feel now. This was a swift kick to the gut, it doesn't make sense. God I feel so lost at the moment.

(if you're reading this and wondering why I posted a picture of a stream on this post, well it's because I needed to post it to make the profile picture work and I didn't want to create an extra post for it)

West meets East

My pastor has dedicated this block of six weeks towards studying various religions of the world. Our Pastor, Debra, wants to view other major religions of the world as how the compare or contrast to Christianity. This is only the second week and already it's two of the most interesting sermon's she's given. I don't often get worked up over sermons, even though my pastor is fantastic. She's an incredible orator and miles smarter than most people I know. Yet for some reason I just can't seem to get behind sermons. Mostly I just chalk it up to mild ADD and my addiction to my computer with it's quickly changing screens and pretty colors. Yet even so, these past two sermons I could help but stay focused, and dare I say, intrigued.
Last Sunday Pastor Debra spoke on Hinduism, a religion based on appreciating the body, the mind and the soul in all of its glory. A religion based on improving the good qualities in life in an effort to reach a level of enlightenment that they're soul can finally escape the confines of the earth. This is where their views in reincarnation come into play. Westerners view reincarnation as something exotic and acceptable, while Hindu's actually see it as the entrapment of a soul that has not yet reached it's level of enlightenment. Think of it as a no-soul-left-behind deal (only I'd imagine more effective than it's imitations). Hinduism focoses on the positive aspects of life, and a great balance in naature (Karma), it is thier open acceptance that so draws me to their religion. There is no one right way to practice Hinduism, and non-hindus are invited to join the ceremony.
Today Pastor Debra discused Buddhism. How the believe life is suffering, how all life is a distraction from enlightenment. That enlightenment is called nirvana--the ultimate goal. Nirvana is the ultimate state of reality, unreachable by the distractions of the world. Buddhists characteristly believe in non-violence, it is that absolute respect for life that I find so appealing.

Debra spoke both times on where the three religions diverge and what problems that has created over the centuries, but what really intrigued me were the points that all three religions held in common. Above all else all of these religions stressed the importance of being a good person. Be honest with yourself and others, be kind and compassionate, don't harm anyone else. Christian's call it the Golden Rule "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Obviously these various religions have had their differences (to say the least) but all have such similar core beliefs, in that life is precious and the protection of life is--or should be--the most importnat thing we could strive for. The problem I see is one of interpretaion. Hindu's have a different view on the make up of reality different than the Buddhists do, or the Christians. It's like plugging a european socket into an american outlet--they just don't fit (believe me I've tried). Christians do not know how to interpret religions such as hinduism into their own paradigm. Makes one wonder what all the fighting really is all about.
I do consider myself a spiritual person, but I've never really consdered myself the model of a potrait christian (nor have I ever particularly wanted to be). No one religion seems to have it down right, though everyone does seem to have some really good ideas. Instead I choose to be a spiritual student of the world. I take practices that seem to suit me, but most of all I will try to be a good person. I don't think anyone can really ask of me more.

"The Morning After"

Maybe…

Maybe it was the way

the birds were chirping a little too cheerfully

that made me think they were talking

about us last night.

Maybe it was how the sun

said it was jealous of me,

as it stretched his arms over the trees

into the clearing sky,

because I get to lie next to you.
Or maybe it was how your bathrobe

seemed to fit me just right

and how your mirror gave me a knowing smile.

Maybe it was the note you left me—
the one you wrote last night saying

“make yourself at home,

just don’t wake me up before ten.”

Or maybe it was the fact that you left the note at all.

The subtle reminder that, If I’m lucky,

you’ll be dreaming about me later on.

Maybe—just maybe—it was waking up next to you

That made me fall in love with mornings.

It's time I start my own

For far too long, the talents I've let myself fall into a state of lethargy and tivial pursuit when it comes to writing. Xanga has been a great place to keep up with friends and read about their lives, but since people really don't update theirs anymore I'm finding that feedback is becoming much more scarce, and consequently harder to sharpen my teeth against. I have been afraid to move away from xanga because it has been such a home for me. But it seems like all homes I've had, the time has come to find a new one. I need a place where people can feel free to come and go, to read, to post, to offer ideas. I want a place where I can offer serious discussions, deep questions and extreme introspection. I want this blog to be a sanctuary of thought. All are welcome--join me by the fire.