Cabin Fever

I've spent every night this week alone in my room. In fact I've spent nearly every moment not in class in my room. I wake up in the morning and I get ready for class, make myself some breakfast and a cup of coffee, get my bag ready and walk the same route to class every morning. After class I walk back, come to my room and sit down and get online, visit the same five or six websites I always do and generally let my eyes glaze over while the hands on the clock march steadily towards the next hour. How did this happen to me?

I have organized my semester so that I would have time to get away from this very symptom--the same symptom I find myself in time after time. But it seems no matter how strong my convictions or how well-placed my intentions complacency reaches up and grabs my ankle and just pulls me back down. Why do I let myself get caught up in this same struggle time after time? I know the solution to my problem, I just don't know how to get there. I get so comfortable in my room that I simply don't want to leave. I get so comfortable in my routine that I simply don't want to diverge.

This is the same problem I'm constantly fighting against--it's the one issue that seems to always be able to drag me down. There's so much I want to do, and so much I want to see, there's just so much I want to think about that I don't know how to cope with it. I feel like it's pushing me away from my friends, I don't know how to connect to them. So when I try I feel like I'm coming on too strong. This is the last curve that bends this issue into a viscious cycle. So now I find myself at a cross-roads. I know I need to get out and do more. I want to spend more time with my friends, but I also want to find comfort in spending time alone again. Problem is if I go too far towards the latter I won't see anyone at all. I'll become a transcendentalist and go off in the mountains bymself...but even Thureau had friends.

I need to get away--I need to change my cycle. I need to clear my head. I need to get back to stony point (and not talk myself out of going). I need to stop being so afraid of the outside world. I'm not sure what has made me feel this way again, but I want it to stop. Maybe the Tai Chi will help....