Thursday, November 30, 2006

course correction

It's as if my life is a series of vectors, each a semester long. At the end of each segment I take my entire life in account--everything I have done, and everything I want to do, shuffle my life around, re-roll the dice and trudge on. Problem is I really don't know what all I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many things I want to do, want to try. There are a number of things I'm good at, but I am really no closer to knowing which one I want to make a career of.

Unfortunately my school doesn't agree with such a laissez-fair take on life. You have got to know what you want, and get to doing it soon so you can start making money and living your life just like the rest of us. It makes me tear at my hair and shout from the top of my lungs "WHY!?" In reponse I get a mildly confused stare and "....because that's what you do.."

So once again I come to a pause, and ask my self "where the hell am I going?" I know that I want to help, I want to make the world a better place to live--but is that an education I can really get in school. Don't get me wrong, I love my poetry classes and I'm doing well in them. I hear almost daily from Jennifer what a wonderful writer I am, and I take for granted her (and everyone's) compliments. I know I have the potential for being really good...but I guess I wonder what the benefit is being good if I don't use it for good?

"Some of the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't..."
-Baz Lurman

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Use the force, Luke. Use your powers for good, not evil!!!

<3

You are wonderful. No one thinks you should know what you're supposed to do right now. I don't know, I didn't even know if I was going to keep going to school until I randomly registered for classes today, on a whim...

Anonymous said...

I can tell you for certain that at nearly 49 I have no clue what I want to do with the rest of my life... all I know for sure is that each day I strive to make a difference in one life (even if it's my own). It's not WHAT you do... it's HOW you do what you do. Be the man of integrity I know you to be. Be willing to fail a few times. Follow your gut. You may not save all the Sea Stars that wash up on the beach, but you'll make a difference to the one you throw back in!