I am in a fanstastic mood. First day back at school was awesome! That's all.
=)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Please assume the position
Materials >Select by Course
| Booklist for: Northridge Campus > Regular Sessions > Spring 2007 > JOUR > 371 > 10828 | |||||||||||||
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| Booklist for: Northridge Campus > Regular Sessions > Spring 2007 > ENGL > 409 > 16065 | |||||||||||||
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| Booklist for: Northridge Campus > Regular Sessions > Spring 2007 > ENGL > 396CO > 16067 | |||||||||||||
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| Booklist for: Northridge Campus > Regular Sessions > Spring 2007 > ENGL > 311 > 16409 | |||||||||||||
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| Booklist for: Northridge Campus > Regular Sessions > Spring 2007 > ENGL > 355 > 16412 | |||||||||||||
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| Booklist for: Northridge Campus > Regular Sessions > Spring 2007 > RTM > 151A > 17805 | |||||||||||||
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____________________________________________
Subtotal: $596.08
So yeah, I have 22 books this semester--TWENTY-TWO. They break down to: 13 comic books (for "comic books as literature!), 4 poetry books, 2 anthologies, two books on journalism, and one book on mountaineering. Who says my interests are a little ambiguous? Anyway it's pretty obvious that I won't be buying my books at my school's bookstore (by the way the subtotal includes all possible used books available). I got the same list on amazon and it dropped about $200 but it's still approximately $400. The clencher is that not one is above eighty dollars, I don't have any biology or physics books that are notorious for requiring indentured servitude in order to afford them. I am an english major! We don't have any money, don't they realize that! Still I suppose it is my fault for taking four english classes in one semester.... >_< I don't know how I'm going to do it all. I'm going to start regreting this in exacly 5 weeks.
RA-ness *officially* picks up tomorrow. I'm axious to get see all my friend again, they're all such awesome people. I've missed that closeness we all share. There are a couple new RA's this semester replacing some that left last semester, and I know that I don't have to worry about them not fitting in--because all of the RA's are so appecting. I'm also excited to see my residents and start programming stuff, I have a lot of ideas and I can't wait to get them going. Between that and the metric ton of reading I'm going to have, this semester is going to be rather insane. Still I know if I can kepp my head above water, it's going to be really awesome.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Immer Suchen
it's german for "always searching"
I have been searching for something for a while now. The problem is I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm searching for. Makes it a little difficult. But I'm searching for something...when I was younger not a lot bothered me, sure I'd get worked up about quasi-political issues and sure social issues pestered me, but then I'd just as quickly forget about them to play video games with my friends. Now it feels like no matter what there is this constant barrier between me and that comfortable happiness I had. I'm not saying I'm never happy, I'm sort of proud of the dogmatic optimism that saturates everything I do. I think there's at least some happiness to be found on even the bleakest of days--so much so that it has probably annoyed my friends more than once. But I am saying the ratio is backwards.
I'm finding myself feeling wanting more often than content. There's something that's missing, but agian, I don't have a name for it. If I could just get a glimpse, an understanding, a taste or smell of it, then at least I would know which way to plant my feet. I don't have to ask for much, I possess more than most people do and am quite...comfortable. Comfortable...why does it sound like such a dirty word?
If you think this is bad, imagine shopping for grocery's with me.
I don't know what's bothering me. Maybe it's senioritis, maybe it's the fact that I'm stuck in my dorm with no particular place to go. Maybe I desperately want my classes to get started so I have something to do. Maybe there's something more. It gets difficult sometimes, the whole notion of trying to find something that you can't even identify is overwhelming. Sometimes I just wish life were more like math--then at least the answers would be in the back of the book.
I have been searching for something for a while now. The problem is I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm searching for. Makes it a little difficult. But I'm searching for something...when I was younger not a lot bothered me, sure I'd get worked up about quasi-political issues and sure social issues pestered me, but then I'd just as quickly forget about them to play video games with my friends. Now it feels like no matter what there is this constant barrier between me and that comfortable happiness I had. I'm not saying I'm never happy, I'm sort of proud of the dogmatic optimism that saturates everything I do. I think there's at least some happiness to be found on even the bleakest of days--so much so that it has probably annoyed my friends more than once. But I am saying the ratio is backwards.
I'm finding myself feeling wanting more often than content. There's something that's missing, but agian, I don't have a name for it. If I could just get a glimpse, an understanding, a taste or smell of it, then at least I would know which way to plant my feet. I don't have to ask for much, I possess more than most people do and am quite...comfortable. Comfortable...why does it sound like such a dirty word?
If you think this is bad, imagine shopping for grocery's with me.
I don't know what's bothering me. Maybe it's senioritis, maybe it's the fact that I'm stuck in my dorm with no particular place to go. Maybe I desperately want my classes to get started so I have something to do. Maybe there's something more. It gets difficult sometimes, the whole notion of trying to find something that you can't even identify is overwhelming. Sometimes I just wish life were more like math--then at least the answers would be in the back of the book.
Things to do on a Sunday morning when you don't have any money or a way to get back inside the building:
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I'm bored.
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I'm bored.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
West facing East
Have you ever stared on the window so long that all the colors fade to black and white? And even though the windows shut you can still hear all the movements outside?
My one window in my room (which is actually a large sliding glass door) faces east over the grounds and on up to the mountains. I gotten woken up by a loud noise this mornng at sunrise; I looked out my window and saw the most vibrant oranges and yellows and blue all blending effortlessly between twin peaks on the horizon just behind the pine trees in the courtyard. Everyone talks about California Sunsets, but I don't think they give enough credit to the sunrises--then again I wonder how many people are awake to see them. Honestly, in those moments i like to pretend I am the only one. That way the sunrise and the illogic-but-still-precocious colors are mine. That was east itself is mine.
There is something mysterious about the east. Something mystikal and wonderful and terrifying the east. I miss it.
edit: I was browsing through my archives and realized that this is my one year anniversary--I've been writing this blog for a year now. *throws some confetti*
My one window in my room (which is actually a large sliding glass door) faces east over the grounds and on up to the mountains. I gotten woken up by a loud noise this mornng at sunrise; I looked out my window and saw the most vibrant oranges and yellows and blue all blending effortlessly between twin peaks on the horizon just behind the pine trees in the courtyard. Everyone talks about California Sunsets, but I don't think they give enough credit to the sunrises--then again I wonder how many people are awake to see them. Honestly, in those moments i like to pretend I am the only one. That way the sunrise and the illogic-but-still-precocious colors are mine. That was east itself is mine.
There is something mysterious about the east. Something mystikal and wonderful and terrifying the east. I miss it.
edit: I was browsing through my archives and realized that this is my one year anniversary--I've been writing this blog for a year now. *throws some confetti*
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Introspection
I have an intense personality. I know that. Most of the time I take it in stride, it's part of who I am and I don't apologize for it. But sometimes I wonder if I am simply too much for my own good. It seems that those with overly-intense personalities are viewed as myopic, nothing is seen beyond the aspect of their extreme character.
We tend to laugh at people like this and group them in with the classic fool. Jack on Will and Grace, Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, that-big-flashy-loud-side-kick-comic-relief in ALL of the teen movies (yes. all of them). Obviously I know that i am more than that, if for no other reason I am a living human being and with sentience comes complexity (although I've known a few people in my life who could make a STRONG case against that).
But I think one of my biggest fears is always being labeled--furthermore, being seen only as that label. I don't want that, I don't think anyone wants that. I know I am a charismatic person, but sometimes I get the feeling people get tired of it. I feel like the puppy who simply has too much energy--it's cute at first but it eventually gets old. I think I'm lacking the one thing I preach the most: balance. There has to be a better balance.
If I were to make a new year's resolution it would be to use less words and more actions.
We tend to laugh at people like this and group them in with the classic fool. Jack on Will and Grace, Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, that-big-flashy-loud-side-kick-comic-relief in ALL of the teen movies (yes. all of them). Obviously I know that i am more than that, if for no other reason I am a living human being and with sentience comes complexity (although I've known a few people in my life who could make a STRONG case against that).
But I think one of my biggest fears is always being labeled--furthermore, being seen only as that label. I don't want that, I don't think anyone wants that. I know I am a charismatic person, but sometimes I get the feeling people get tired of it. I feel like the puppy who simply has too much energy--it's cute at first but it eventually gets old. I think I'm lacking the one thing I preach the most: balance. There has to be a better balance.
If I were to make a new year's resolution it would be to use less words and more actions.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Lost: One Wallet
-Brown trifold
-floppy ears, leather skin
-answers to the name jimmy
-pictures of my friends
-bank cards
-my license
if found please call. His family misses him very much.
-floppy ears, leather skin
-answers to the name jimmy
-pictures of my friends
-bank cards
-my license
if found please call. His family misses him very much.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Zen and the art of driving
There is something in the unbroken drone of the road that hypnotizes us. There is something in the complex rhythm of broken pavement, tar seems, and the doppler whine of passing cars that lulls our minds into an instinctive mode. Buddhists call this place Zen--the place where your body can function on it's own and your mind is free to explore the infinite possibilites of being--a place they achieve through rigorous meditation, in immense nature, or peircing solitude.
It is somewhat paradoxical to find this zen while moving a one-thousand pound machine down a road at death-defying speeds. One's instinct would be that any action at this speed would require absolute concentration and focus, and any divergence would invariably result in death. But it is this concentration--being congnisant of me and of my surroundings at all times that allows me to let go of my body and let it run on it's own.
It doesn't make complete sense to me either, I just know that it works.
A teacher once explained to me how he found his zen through doing dishes, and I realized that driving was very much the same thing--my hands and arms know what to do, each muscle knows when to flex and relax in time so that I won't die and ultimately will arive at my destination. In the meantime I am free to think less about where I am driving to, and more about why I am driving there. I think everyone has something they can do to meditate. What's yours?
It is somewhat paradoxical to find this zen while moving a one-thousand pound machine down a road at death-defying speeds. One's instinct would be that any action at this speed would require absolute concentration and focus, and any divergence would invariably result in death. But it is this concentration--being congnisant of me and of my surroundings at all times that allows me to let go of my body and let it run on it's own.
It doesn't make complete sense to me either, I just know that it works.
A teacher once explained to me how he found his zen through doing dishes, and I realized that driving was very much the same thing--my hands and arms know what to do, each muscle knows when to flex and relax in time so that I won't die and ultimately will arive at my destination. In the meantime I am free to think less about where I am driving to, and more about why I am driving there. I think everyone has something they can do to meditate. What's yours?
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